The jealousy of a hostmum
This post is also available in: Deutsch (German)
Inviting someone young and beautiful to your house can become a struggle in your relationship, if there are already problems between you and your spouse.
The host family invites a young person to their home. Most of the time that young person is a woman in her 20ies. Maybe she is beautiful and of course she is nice because otherwise the family wouldn’t have invited her to live with them and take care of their children. Both parents work and while they are not at home the au pair watches the kids, plays with them and prepares food. In the afternoon or evening both parents come home, the au pair is off and the family can enjoy some time together.
There are no problems so far, but what if the host mum thinks that her spouse’s relationship to the au pair is a little bit too good?
Oh, don’t be so jealous!
There are situations in which one of the parents works from home and is somehow surrounded by the au pair and the kids all the time. If the hostmum stays home, there is not much of a problem, but what if the host dad stays home? He works in his office and welcomes the au pair and the kids when they come back home and they eat lunch together. Maybe he doesn’t even have so much to do for work, so he joins the kids and the au pair and they spend the day together and get along very well.
This can surely be a bit of a tough situation for the host mum who is at work all day and doesn’t get to see her husband and family as much as she would like to. And then there is this young girl, 15, 20 years younger in the house and gets to spend the time that the host mother would just love to have with the family.
Maybe the host mum becomes a bit jealous of how well her husband and that young woman get along. This is absolutely normal. If there was a handsome young guy staying with the family and the host dad is close to a midlife crisis, the situation could be difficult for him too.
Talk about it
It is important to talk to each other in that situation! A hostmum should not overreact, because it was also her, who chose the au pair. The host dad should be understanding and maybe, now that this young woman is living under the same roof, show his wife that she has nothing to worry about. Of course it’s about trust, and the couple has been together for many years, but still it is possible to understand, that the wife sees a small danger in having a young woman staying at her house. But it is important to understand that it’s not the au pair that leave cracks in the marriage. They have been there before.If there is a lack of trust, this is a marital problem and not the au pair’s fault.
If the host mum feels like the host dad is spending too much time with the au pair, she has to address the problem and talk to her spouse and the au pair. But the au pair is never to be blamed.
Talk to each other and try to figure out what’s the real problem. And if it helps, think about getting a Bro Pair.