Say Something – What to Do If Your Au Pair Is Too Quiet

This post is also available in: Deutsch (German)

For many young people, becoming an Au Pair is a completely new experience. They find themselves in a different country, living with a Host Family they have never met before. While some Au Pairs are naturally outgoing and talkative, others may be more reserved and take time to adjust. If your Au Pair is too quiet, it can lead to communication challenges with both your family and the children.

Most Au Pairs start engaging more once they feel comfortable with their Host Family, but some remain quiet, which can become a problem. Since they are responsible for childcare, they need to be able to interact with the children, give instructions, and communicate with teachers or other caregivers. If an Au Pair is too quiet, they may struggle to establish authority with the children, making it harder to fulfill their role effectively.

Addressing this issue early can help both your family and the Au Pair feel more at ease. Start by having an open conversation to express the importance of communication in daily life. If language is a barrier, patience is key. Listening to a foreign language all day can be overwhelming, making it difficult to respond quickly in conversations. Calling the Au Pair’s name before speaking can help them focus and follow the discussion more easily.

Encouraging participation at the dinner table is another effective way to create a comfortable space for conversation. Asking open-ended questions rather than those that require only a yes or no answer can help spark meaningful discussions. Simple questions about their day or experiences can make a big difference in helping them feel more included.

Spending time together as a family beyond mealtime can also help an Au Pair open up. Watching TV together may not always be the best option, as it doesn’t encourage much interaction. Instead, playing a board game or engaging in an activity that requires teamwork can create natural moments for conversation. If the Au Pair tends to spend a lot of time on their phone, introducing family traditions that involve interaction may help them feel more connected.

Not every Au Pair will become talkative, and that’s okay. The goal is to help them feel comfortable enough to communicate when necessary. Small efforts, like creating opportunities for conversation and making them feel part of the family, can make a big difference. If your Au Pair is too quiet, these approaches can help them build confidence and integrate more easily into your household.

Do you have experience with a quiet Au Pair? Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below!